I have been single for eight years since I split with my boyfriend of ten years. Since that time I have not gone out on a single date because I don’t want to meet someone in a bar, but I am paralyzed by the fear of internet dating. I don’t think I am creative enough or beautiful enough to attract someone who is just looking at a photo or reading my blurb. What can I do?
—-Always a Shy Girl
Dear Shy Girl,
You are not even close to alone. If I may be shameless for a moment, I wrote an entire book about the ins and outs of internet dating called The Internet Dating Bible (available on iTunes and Amazon). You may want to check that out for more detailed information.
I’ll give you a little primer here and get you started on the road to what I think you need most: a confidence boost.
The first thing you need to know about dating these days is that it’s not like it used to be (although if you are one of the lucky ones who meets your soulmate in yoga class, or while buying vegetables in Whole Foods, hats off to you).
If you are like most of us, the prospect of meeting someone new in a bar seems more than a little horrible, and if all your friends are married with kids, and all their friends are too, then you can feel pushed into a corner.
Luckily for you, that corner opens up into a HUGE chasm of wonderful just waiting for you to jump in. Your mission: jump in.
I understand you feel like you may not be an ideal match for someone at first glance, and to that I say there is room for you to do a little self improvement. Perhaps counselling, perhaps soul-searching, perhaps a gym membership… or maybe you’re the kind of girl that just needs a few perfectly placed highlights.
Whatever the direction your self-improvement takes, make sure you are fully invested in your outcome, which is getting to a place where you know you are a great catch! How is your mate going to find you attractive if you don’t? In case you haven’t noticed, the idea of beauty has been changing rapidly around the globe. Men and women are learning to be comfortable in their skins exactly as they are. Folks have been learning to run marathons in their forties. The sky’s the limit, but you are the only person who can make the shift, mentally and physically.
I can’t emphasize enough that your confidence level and belief in yourself is the most important part of this process. Whatever is holding you back must be addressed. I think you know what that something is.
Next: your profile should be a true reflection of you. Find the thing that makes you special, different, and share that! So many folks get trapped in saying the exact same thing as everyone else, or they say what they think someone else would want to read. Both of those options will keep you single and looking. In order to know that someone is your someone, they have to recognize you: show yourself!
You have no idea what that special person out there is waiting for: how do you know it isn’t you? I’m willing to bet it is!
Since being us is all we can be, bringing that to the table and being proud of it is basically your best weapon!
Photos: again, Shy Girl, take pictures of yourself when you are doing something you love. A radiance that is indescribable will flow through you, and everyone will see it!
I know this seems daunting, scary, maybe impossible, but taking it step by step is the way to get that first date, and isn’t a first date way better than being single for eight years and wishing he would just show up on your doorstep? That doesn’t really happen; you have to do a little work.
Again, my book goes into detail about all of this, but this is a great start, and a great question, and the fact that you are even asking for help proves it’s time for you to get into the driver’s seat of your life!
Your person is waiting for you! Now get a move on!
Do you need Love Advice? Email Elisha at firstname.lastname@example.org. Don’t worry, we will keep your information anonymous.