My wife is a crafter. Well, not really. She loves to buy rooms full of crafting gear, but they are just sitting there, gathering dust and costing me money. What can I do about this obsession with filling rooms full of stuff?
—Going Crafter Crazy
Dear Going Crafter Crazy:
This is not the first time I have been posed this question. I happen to be intuitive, but not a therapist, so let me give you my energetic take on this. When someone is buying lots of pretty parts and storing them in a room, I can go out on a limb and suggest they have rooms within them that want to be redecorated or made more beautiful.
What do I mean?
Your wife seems to be trying to dress up her insides. People who have a compulsive need to shop are looking externally to fill deep voids they feel internally.
Think about it. Haven’t you ever had a really bad day, and you just wanted to buy something to make yourself feel better? I have a few pairs of shoes I wish I had never bought that fit that bill. But in the moment, that shopper’s high took away the pain I was feeling about something inside.
Your wife has so much emptiness and pain inside that she feels compelled to fill those spaces with things that, in theory, can make her feel more complete—perhaps even seen. But she’s not buying clothes or shoes—something that’s complete. She’s buying pieces that can create a new reality. A new project. A new idea. She is either deeply unsatisfied with her life, or with you. I’m sure there are a few other options, but those are the two most likely candidates.
There are two routes—she is either craving a spiritual/emotional shift, or she feels empty in her relationship with you. If she’s craving a spiritual/emotional shift, I suggest helping her find things such as yoga, or a somatic therapist, or energy healing arts. Any of these more esoteric practices will help her get centred enough to look at what she needs to feel whole and complete.
If she feels lost in your relationship, then, my friend, you may need to step up to put an end to your problem. Couples therapy is a good place to start and is a safe place where you can both be heard.
If she loves massages, buy her one. If she likes getting manis and pedis, go with her and get one and make it a fun outing. (You can get a clear coat on your nails and still be manly.) See if paying attention to her needs and really hearing her stops the incessant craft room filling. See if she can’t be filled up from the inside out.
We all have rooms in our inner house that need a little sprucing. I for one feel motivated now to look inside my own castle. Thanks for the question—and good luck!